It's That Time of Year

NO! I am not referring to Christmas time, sadly I am talking about something so much worse.... FINALS! How dare they send us to school for 13 years, keeping us sheltered and then decided to up and throw us out in the real world and act like college is a choice. Well I have news for you... If you want to be a responsible adult and not willingly throw away all your life options college is NOT a choice! Now don't get me wrong many people can't afford or have just been plenty happy and successful without it, that's for sure! It almost proves that we really don't need it. Nonetheless is is a highly preferred social norm. So for me that makes it mandatory. I care about society's view of me, my family's view of me, and I want every chance to be successful. But why do they have to make it so stressful, annoying, and effing costly!! I mean do you have to bleed me and my family dry. I just cant take the stress. College is awful for me. Maybe others have the money and support to "goof-off" or maybe they are just more together than me . I just can't do it anymore. I am trying. I won't stop trying! But I sure as hell want to. I want to go home with my mommy and crawl under the covers and just never come out. I want to disappear! I came across a quote the other day that summed up my feelings. "If I can't be beautiful, I want to be invisible" Chuck Palahniuk That is how I feel. It also applies to so many other things just replace the word "beautiful" in the quote with just about anything in my life. To sum it up in my own version "If I cant be absolutely perfect at every aspect of everything I do then why the hell try I can just slide by in the back being invisible to everyone and everything." That is all I have ever known is isolation from the world and the best way to achieve that is invisibility. So my choive of superpower? Invisibility!

Love, Em