It's That Time of Year

NO! I am not referring to Christmas time, sadly I am talking about something so much worse.... FINALS! How dare they send us to school for 13 years, keeping us sheltered and then decided to up and throw us out in the real world and act like college is a choice. Well I have news for you... If you want to be a responsible adult and not willingly throw away all your life options college is NOT a choice! Now don't get me wrong many people can't afford or have just been plenty happy and successful without it, that's for sure! It almost proves that we really don't need it. Nonetheless is is a highly preferred social norm. So for me that makes it mandatory. I care about society's view of me, my family's view of me, and I want every chance to be successful. But why do they have to make it so stressful, annoying, and effing costly!! I mean do you have to bleed me and my family dry. I just cant take the stress. College is awful for me. Maybe others have the money and support to "goof-off" or maybe they are just more together than me . I just can't do it anymore. I am trying. I won't stop trying! But I sure as hell want to. I want to go home with my mommy and crawl under the covers and just never come out. I want to disappear! I came across a quote the other day that summed up my feelings. "If I can't be beautiful, I want to be invisible" Chuck Palahniuk That is how I feel. It also applies to so many other things just replace the word "beautiful" in the quote with just about anything in my life. To sum it up in my own version "If I cant be absolutely perfect at every aspect of everything I do then why the hell try I can just slide by in the back being invisible to everyone and everything." That is all I have ever known is isolation from the world and the best way to achieve that is invisibility. So my choive of superpower? Invisibility!

Love, Em

Be Thankful

We are just a day away from Thanksgiving holiday. I know not everyone around the world celebrates this holiday, but the truth is that we have a million thing to be thankful for. No matter how good or bad you have it, there is always some thing to be grateful for. The world will always throw a curve ball your way. I am most thankful for my family. I consider those closest to me in my life to be my family, they don't have to be related to me but I know they are there for me and they care no matter what. My mother is one of the most amazing people in my life. She stand by me even when I am mad at her. Although my relationship with my family has been difficult over the past years I will always fight to keep them in my life. My best friend is my rock she supports me, even when she doesn't know it. I know not what I would do without her. I am thankful to have good quality friends, I may not have many but they care. They would jump over the world to help me in a time of need. I have so much in my life to be thankful for even though sometimes I forget all that I have. That's why I love this holiday and all holidays for that matter, they remind me that family and friend are the gift of god. That all the little things in life should not be taken for granted. I forget that too often. I hope all of you will take time today to realize no matter how bad it is you have something to be thankful for!

xoxo emerald