It's That Time of Year

NO! I am not referring to Christmas time, sadly I am talking about something so much worse.... FINALS! How dare they send us to school for 13 years, keeping us sheltered and then decided to up and throw us out in the real world and act like college is a choice. Well I have news for you... If you want to be a responsible adult and not willingly throw away all your life options college is NOT a choice! Now don't get me wrong many people can't afford or have just been plenty happy and successful without it, that's for sure! It almost proves that we really don't need it. Nonetheless is is a highly preferred social norm. So for me that makes it mandatory. I care about society's view of me, my family's view of me, and I want every chance to be successful. But why do they have to make it so stressful, annoying, and effing costly!! I mean do you have to bleed me and my family dry. I just cant take the stress. College is awful for me. Maybe others have the money and support to "goof-off" or maybe they are just more together than me . I just can't do it anymore. I am trying. I won't stop trying! But I sure as hell want to. I want to go home with my mommy and crawl under the covers and just never come out. I want to disappear! I came across a quote the other day that summed up my feelings. "If I can't be beautiful, I want to be invisible" Chuck Palahniuk That is how I feel. It also applies to so many other things just replace the word "beautiful" in the quote with just about anything in my life. To sum it up in my own version "If I cant be absolutely perfect at every aspect of everything I do then why the hell try I can just slide by in the back being invisible to everyone and everything." That is all I have ever known is isolation from the world and the best way to achieve that is invisibility. So my choive of superpower? Invisibility!

Love, Em

Be Thankful

We are just a day away from Thanksgiving holiday. I know not everyone around the world celebrates this holiday, but the truth is that we have a million thing to be thankful for. No matter how good or bad you have it, there is always some thing to be grateful for. The world will always throw a curve ball your way. I am most thankful for my family. I consider those closest to me in my life to be my family, they don't have to be related to me but I know they are there for me and they care no matter what. My mother is one of the most amazing people in my life. She stand by me even when I am mad at her. Although my relationship with my family has been difficult over the past years I will always fight to keep them in my life. My best friend is my rock she supports me, even when she doesn't know it. I know not what I would do without her. I am thankful to have good quality friends, I may not have many but they care. They would jump over the world to help me in a time of need. I have so much in my life to be thankful for even though sometimes I forget all that I have. That's why I love this holiday and all holidays for that matter, they remind me that family and friend are the gift of god. That all the little things in life should not be taken for granted. I forget that too often. I hope all of you will take time today to realize no matter how bad it is you have something to be thankful for!

xoxo emerald

Undecided

I attend University of Alabama at Birmingham (UAB). I am in my third year of college. So that means I am a junior and guess what?... I have been undecided since day one! I just don't know what to do? who to be? where to go? I feel lost in life. I have no direction and that feeling gets reflected in my grades. I am not failing out or anything but I want to be a straight A over-achiever and I am not. I am just frustrated. I have been back and fourth between things. I am a semi-creative person... I like to doodle, craft, and just make things. But I am no way an artist. Well at least that's how I feel. I have Seen some god given "signs" that I think mean that I should maybe head towards an art studio major with a computer graphics focus or direction. I am also interested in typography which I am assuming is included somewhere within computer graphics. I would also like to look at a major in Photography also... I have a "if all else fails" plan to go to school and get a two year dental hygienist degree. But overall I am just not sure. I have an Academic advising appointment coming up soon and I am hoping she can help me decided and I can finally declare something...

Project Time!!!

I am a crafty person. I love all projects and crafts. I have many different obsessions when it comes to crafts. But right now, I am in a scrapping mood! I have been stalking all things crafty and scrappy on Youtube lately. Halloween is near and a lots of the crafts are centering around that theme. There are so many things I wish I owned so I could scrap all day but sadly I own little. I unfortunately do not have the cash to support this habit. I want too much! My scrapping supplies may be limited but I am going to find some cheap stuff and scrap my heart out this weekend. (Scrapping can be done in moderation but my obsessions always become more expensive than necessary)
P.S. If you like scrapbooking and Halloween then go to Youtube and search "Halloween mini book"!
If anyone has a unique hobby they would like to tell me about I love new ideas.

Study Hard

To all those who haven't figured this out through High School... When you come to college, you must study your ass off! If you intend to make A's or maintain a decent GPA this is not a choice. I don't care how gifted you are college takes time and effort. If I have learned one thing it is to know that before you get here. This is not something you want to "learn from your mistakes". Trust me. I have learned that now but... I wish that I knew then what I know now. I am just letting you know it is your choice to take my advice and the advice of many others or to wait and see, but you will regret not taking this advice. For some it may seem like this is common sense. It should be! I am studying for a test now and will be up for a while but I thought that I would leave you guys with that pop of wisdom. Take it and go fourth into this world...

Love, Em

Vamptastic

Attention all vampire novel/show/movie lovers: If you haven't picked up the House of night series (which you prolly have)... DO IT!!! I am sadly only on book three, Chosen. However these books are amazing. Now I am a lover of all things Twilight, TrueBlood, Gates, Vampire Diaries, etc... But this has a plot that thickens like no other. I wont give anything away but please pick this book up. The firs three or so chapters might make you put it down and question my opinion. But if you can stick it through you will be in LOVE! Anyways that's my obsession of the moment. I am gonna go read a couple chapters before I pass out! Good Night all my vamp lovers!

Newbie

Okay. So, I've had this blog for a long time and never posted. I don"t do diaries. I dont do grammar. And I sure as hell don't do feelings. I am going to try to change those things (don't hold me on the grammar, some things never change... lol). I am going to tell you the things in my life as they come off the top of my head. Good luck keeping up with my mind!!